How to thaw cold feet before the wedding
April 4th 2008 15:18
I got cold feet a week before my wedding. My best friend and I were parked in front of a McDonald's. We were talking about some plans for the big day when I felt a huge wave of nervousness wash over me.
Suddenly I felt so unprepared to get married. It wasn't about the wedding plans -- it was about the marriage. Was I ready? Was I really ready? I began to doubt the certainty of my decision.
"E," I stuttered. "Why do I feel like there are more things I should be doing before getting married?"
"Huh?," he asked. "What do you mean?"
I gulped. There was one thing I really wanted to do before getting married. I wanted to live on my own. I was going straight from my parents' home to my own home with the man about to become my husband. When I was single, I craved for that life of independence. I felt I lost my chance. Wasn't I due that chance?, I asked myself silently.
"It's just that I wanted to live on my own, you know," I explained. "I won't be able to do that anymore. I won't be able to experience living solo. I've always wanted to do that."
Do understand that I was very much sheltered as a young girl, so I ached for the freedom of my own place.
E said, "Well, think about it this way. You're still on your own. You'll be living away from your parents. You'll be living on your own, except that you'll have someone to share these new experiences with."
I was quiet for a bit. And then I felt my cold toes thaw. It was a fresh perspective I needed badly to hear, and those simple lines made a world of difference to me.
Thanks to E's matter-of-factly way of answering, my feet weren't that cold anymore.
*****
Cold feet before a wedding isn't a myth. It does happen. And it's perfectly normal. You'll be making one of the biggest, life-changing decisions ever after all. While you're excited, anxiety can barge in every now and then. Doubts will cross your mind. How do you beat it?
Point out why you're feeling nervous. Are the wedding plans stressing you out? Are you afraid you're losing your freedom once you get married? Try to understand the reasons why you're freaking out. Then address them one by one.
If the wedding planning is getting too stressful, take a breather. Detach for a day and relaaaax. Go on a date with your fiance/e and try not to talk about anything wedding- or marriage-related.
If the idea of losing alone time frightens you, go on a date with yourself. Do remember that you will always HAVE to make time for yourself when you get married anyway. You cannot lose that alone time. You need space. Just because you're married doesn't mean you have to everything together. Not at all. You're an individual who continually needs room to grow in one direction with your partner!].
If losing freedom is your fear, think about the things you think you won't be free to do anymore. You can't date other men/women, that's for sure. Do reach an understanding with your partner if you [still] can go to strip clubs or the like. Is there anybody you're still hung up on? This can get mighty sticky, so iron this out before getting hitched.
If you're starting to doubt how sure you are about your partner, write down the qualities that endear you to him/her. Write down the reasons why you wanted to marry him/her in the first place. Why did you propose? Why did you say yes? When you take a step back and see the reasons why you wrote them down, things will fall back into perspective.
If you feel that your cold feet will never thaw, consider going to a marriage counselor, your minister, a good friend. Fresh eyes on the situation always help.
If the cold feet still won't go away, this may sound drastic, but do note that postponing the wedding is much better than getting married with so many doubts in your head. Make sure your feet are fully thawed before the big day.
Good luck!
Photo by zamomilla
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